By Emily Voneman
In 2015, the Supreme Court’s landmark decision in Obergefell v. Hodges secured the fundamental right of marriage for LGBTQ+ couples across the United States. Over a century beforehand, women across the country were getting married to each other in “Boston marriages.”
Women, especially those of higher social classes, were encouraged to exist in a separate social sphere from men, outside of the public eye and separate from the working world. This isolated “women’s sphere” meant that extremely close friendships and partnerships among women were common and even socially acceptable. It was not unusual, particularly in affluent spaces, to see women share kisses, hugs, and even addresses. It was even considered good practice for later marriage to a man!
The most extreme of these close relationships were termed Boston marriages. A Boston marriage was not a legal commitment, but women symbolically married one another by living together and supporting one another for the long term. The independence of these women pushed boundaries, but since their activities were with other women, they were often left to pursue their “marriages” in peace throughout the 1800s and into the 1900s. The name “Boston marriage” seems to have been popularized from novelist Henry James’s book The Bostonians, which featured a partnership between two women who move in together, although the book never uses the term “Boston marriage.” It may also refer to the fact that the marriages were popular in New England, where there was a higher population of wealthy women who could afford to live outside of the bounds of heterosexual marriage.
Much of the acceptance of this practice comes from the common view that women did not experience sexual urges like men did. Their affections for other women, however openly expressed, were thus seen as pure and platonic. While this view helped women experience a level of freedom to express love for one another, it is important to recognize that it originates from and contributed to a view that women were unequal to men, even down to their basic human experiences.
Newly founded women’s colleges, like Granville Female College established in 1827 in Granville, Ohio, were often at the heart of these close relationships among women. Students often gave one another flower bouquets, love poems, and trinkets. Same-sex college lingo at the time described women having “crushes” on one another; when the individual won over the affections of their crush, they were said to be “smashed” by their love.
It is important to view these relationships in the context of the time. Undoubtedly, many of these Boston marriages occurred among those we might today describe as lesbians who were looking for an escape from heteronormative social pressures. However, Boston marriages also provided a space of equality and independence to many wealthy women who may have simply hoped to live outside of the domestic sphere, regardless of their sexuality.
In the 1920s, developing psychological views began to reverse the long-held belief that women were not sexual beings. As women’s sexuality began to be explored, psychological literature began to describe close affections among women as “complexes” and “disorders.” Growing awareness of same-sex attraction among women recategorized relationships that had once been socially acceptable and even encouraged as “practice” for heterosexual marriage as sexually deviant. This changing view began to close the door on the practice of Boston marriages.
These women were pioneers of LGBTQ+ history. Although their relationships were relatively socially acceptable in the late 1800s and early 1900s, little is known about their lives and experiences. In many cases, the letters and diaries of these women were censored, hidden, or destroyed by descendants or historians hoping to hide the romance of these relationships as they became taboo over time. As we look to the future of LGBTQ+ culture, it is important to recognize that LGBTQ+ history extends much further into the past than some may think.
Bibliographies:
The Fear of Being Buried Alive in the 1800s
Boston Marriages: LGBTQ+ Women Pioneers in the 19th Century